Xtreme Pochafiers

Mughni listens to Justin Timberlake.

Interviewer [Ha. gu. Khan]: Today mane aajke we have the bakkobagish Arafat bhai from “the shomokami brothers”, with us and apnera upore lekha dekhte paitesen je she aajke interview dite ashche… ei jonno amaderke special order diya ekta sofa banaite hoise. Jai hok amra interview shuru kori. Kemon achen Ara’fat’ bhai?ARAFUTH: Beshi bhalo na. Kalke ektu constipation hoisilo jar karone milk of magnesia khaisilum kintu amount ta mone hoy beshi hoye gesilo jar karone pete ektu golmal hoitese. [Sound of farting…pphpphhhrrrrrruuththhhh……] aah tag ei prokito shukh.

Interviewer [Ha. gu khan]: Issh ki gondho re baba…. er gondhe to bhoot o palaya jabe. ARA’FAT’ bhai ektu aste fart koren noito innalillah hoia jabo. Accha apne jani ‘the shomokami brothers’ e kon instrument bajan?

ARAFUTH: Ami jei instrument ta bajai eita bairer kono band e bajaite parena. Kisher apnara Iron Maiden, Metallica, Sepeltura, Soulfly koren … oder band member rao ei instrument bajaite parena.

Interviewer [Ha. gu khan]: Instrument tar nam shuni?

ARAFUTH: ‘Dugdugi’. oije pohela boishakhe dekhen na oi picchi polapain ra ‘Goalinir’ koutar opor kagoj lagano ekta drum bajae shei jinish. Amar ‘dugdugita’ oboshsho special order diya banaisi… amar ta actually dadar amoler pitoler bodna diya banaisi.. kintu sound ta josh.. oitar moddhe ami 16 matrar tal quadrable speed e bajaite pari

Interviewer [Ha. gu. khan]: Apni to khub creative!!! .. ‘pitoler’ bodna diya ‘dugdugi’ banaia falaisen!!! kanje apni Newton er aage jonmannai … taile hoito jhulontho paikhana theke gu porte deikha ‘ARAFAT’S LAW OF GRAVITATION’ bair koira felten. Jai hok aapni je ei music er line e ashlen tate kon kon musician ba band er influence beshi?

ARAFUTH: actually ami choto bela thekei Kangalini sufia, kuddus boyati eder gaan shune khub influenced hoi. Tarpor ami Momtaz apa, Tishma’r fan hoye jai. R band er kotha bolen? ami BACKSTREET BOYS chara kichui shuni na .. ar Bangladeshe ‘Promithius’ to amar favourite.

Interviewer [Ha. gu. khan]: Jeishob naam bollen !!!… daran ektu bathroom theke bomi koira ashi.[after 5 minutes] To ki jani bolte chaisilum … o ha amra shunsi je apnar band , Feedback er Moushumi gaantar cover banabe. To apnara ar kono cover banaben naki?

ARAFUTH: oboshshoi…. amra future e Momtaz apur ‘Bukta Faitta jae’ gaantar cover korbo.

Interviewer [Ha. gu. khan]: eibar amra ektu off the track question kori. apni kon uni theke gradualtion korsen?

ARAFUTH: NSU [Nondolal Shah University]. ami ar Vlak er Jon oi uni te jaitam.

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. khan]: Achcha apni Jon bhaiar bepare kichu bolen.

ARAFUTH: hahhahahahahaha … oi mathamota gaiar kotha ki r bolbo.. ami goto ek bochore ore ekbar o gosol korte dekhi nai.. dat maje kina shondeho… ar or mathar chulguli dekso… babui pakhir basha ekta.. jei babui pakhir basha she nijeo oitar bhetor dhukle poth haraia felbe. Janen shei din o ki korse. amar kache aisha boltese ‘Dost tor under wear ta ektu dhar dibi?’ ami to hashte hashtei shesh.. are oi gadhata janei na je ami under wear pori na. ar o ki kore janen? Girl friend er shathe date e jaoar age masturbate koira nae jate oi meyetar shamne pant bhijaia na falae.. O ekta pervert pura… or bashar ekta furniture er virginity rakhe nai. ki je hobe cheletar !!! .

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. khan]: Achcha eije Tah’sh’an bhai tarpor Jon bhai era to mega serial koira onek popular hoye jaitese meyeder kase. To apni to shei DJUICE [dik er juice] er adder por ar kisui korlen na.

ARAFUTH: are oi Tah’sh’an kichu pare naki. khali vaua bang er motho robindro shongit gaye. prottek din shokale uthe shukna gu diye mukh dhue dik er moddhe ekta jhunjhuni lagae nachte nachte Viqarunnissa college er gate er shamne jaia oi jhunjhuni naraia shobdo korte thake jotokkhon na daroan aisha or pachae lathi mare. Tarpor kichu shukna gu niya langta hoia jhunjhuni dulaite dulaite Baily road e daraia bhikka korte thake. ami ekdin oi dik diya jaitesilum [oikhan e amar khub iye dhorsilo tai ekta relative er basha theke dump kore bair hoisilum] tokhon Tahshan dekhi gu niya ekta garir pechone pechone douraitesilo.. ami deikha dak dilum ‘are tah’sh’an ki koros’ … kintu o amar e chinloi na!!!. … ulta laf diya chillaia uthlo!!! ‘Paisi paisi’ tarpor amar pechone gu niya dourano shuru korlo… amio dour dilam ar koto bolte thaklam ‘Tahsan ami… ami Arafat .. are amar e chinos na?’ kintu ke shone kar kotha!!!. o douraitei thaklo ar ki shob bangla cinemar dialogue dite thaklo .. jemon ‘Shore ja shoytan’ , ‘ain nijer haate tule niben na’ , ‘ami beche thakte tui palate parbi na shoytan ami ashchi’ , ‘chere de shoytan Deho pabi kintu mon pabi na’ etc. boila douraite thaklo. ei ‘deho pabi mon pabinar’ shathe amar ki relation tao bujhlam na .. kintu onek koshte shei din or hath theke baicha gesi !!!. Erpor theke ami Tahshan er theke 100 haat dure thaki … last time to shukna gu niya douraise eibar ekdom moisture wala ta niya dourabe .Jai hok ami BTV’r notun ekta add korte jaitisi.

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Kisher add?

ARAFUTH : Sanitary Latrin er. Eita oi gram er manushderke alert korar jonne. Add er title hochche ‘Jhulonto Paikhana noy’. Add er prothom e ami bone badare ar jhope jhare pitoler bodna niya dourabo ar ekhane shekhane paikhana korte thakbo ar kono toilet paper o use korbo na. Tarpor hotath ekdin Jon aisha bolbe ‘Dost dekh ami tor cheye smart , ami bone badare haagi na ami sanitary latrin e haagi ar tor moto kochu pata diya toilet paper er kaj sharina ‘ . Tokhon amar matha kharap hoia jae ar ami Jon er pechone shukna gu niya douraite thaki kintu hotath kore ami boner moddhe amar nijer gu e para diya slip kori. ete amar chok khule jae. Erporer din e ami shokale uthe Sanitary Latrin e jai tarpor dorja khule ber hoye lungi ta 45 degree angle e uthai state minister ‘Gel’ Babor er moto ‘Lookin for shotru’ style e haat ta uchaia boli ‘Jotil Mood’ . Eikhanei addta shesh hobe.

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Achcha apni ki kohkono weed tweed khaisen naki?

ARAFUTH : chi chi ki bolen ami weed khabo keno? ami drink kori karon ami bujhaite chai ami ‘bad putki’. tobe ami ekbar ekta hybrid cigarrette bananor cheshta korsilum. olpo ektu ghash, shukna gobor, chorui pakhir hagu, jon er pora [burned] ‘bal’ er ash etc mishaia ekta kagoje bhoira roll koira oi ciggarrette ta banaisilum. Tarpor sheitae agun dhoraia jei na tan dilum .. tarpor 25 minutes matite poira chilum. ektu consciousness ashtei shob kisu dui ta dekhte thaklum … jemon mone hoilo duita Jon amar shamne daraia nachtese, ar or mathar modhe 2 into 2 = 4 ta chorui pakhi hishu kortese. shob cheye strange bepar holo amar ass diya onek dhoya bair hoitesilo. Tokhon ‘aurthohin’ er morich wala SUMON bhai aisha amar e bolte thaklo ‘Morich khele to jhal lagbei .. peyaj katle to kanna pabei’. Jai hok amar ‘Hybrid ciggarrette’ er project ta oikhanei shesh hoiya galo. Mone hoye jon er bal er ash use korar karonei ei obostha hoise.. ami oboshsho oi ingredient ta bad diyei ciggarette ta banaite chaisilum kintu Jon aisha kannakati shuru korlo ‘Dost amake eibhabe insult koirishna… ami kintu tor commode e nijer matha chubaia suicide korbo’ .. tarpor r ki kori. project ta cancel koira dilum. Actually Jon suicide korbe… ei jonno project cancel kori nai.. borong or matha ta commmode e chubaia amar commode tai noshto koira dibe ei bhoy… arekta bhoy oboshsho ase.. o hoyto bhoot hoyia jabe ar amar toilet tare haunt korbe. Prottek bar ami commode e giya boshle or bhoot ta aisha jalabe ar bolbe ‘Arafat .. toilet paper use kor .. toilet paper user kor’

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Apnar koyekta favourite movie ar shei shob movier song er naam bolben?

ARAFUTH : amar favourite movie hochche ‘Dhil mari tor tin er chale’ , ‘Ami keno paikhanae?’, ‘Fullbanu’r ma ami ashtesi’, ‘Khaisi tore’, ‘Ammazan’ etc. Amar shob cheye favourite gaan hochche ‘O sokhina gasos kina bhuila amare….. ami ohon… ami ohon rishka chalai dhaka shohoreeeeeeeeeeee….. o sokhina’

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Apnara mane ‘the shomokami brothers’ kobe tader next album ber korbe?

ARAFUTH : Next week e . amra ashole onek bz thaki… Farhan sharadin khali moder botole hishu niya kishob experiment kore, Jon to bal kamaitei 24 hrs lagaia dey, Imran to Canada e kon brothel e jani chakri kore ar ami to biri bechi apnader agei bolsi. Sakib bhai to amader pachae lathi maira boila gese ‘tora shob khobisher dol kisu bajaite paros na …. ami gelum’ . Amader next album er nam hobe ‘Ulongo shoytan’.

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Apnar ei interview jara ekhon portese tader uddeshshe kichu bolen

ARAFUTH : ami shudhui bolte chai ‘kuttarbachcha ….. tui ekta khobish’. achcha amar jani kemon matha ghuraitese ar bomi bomi lagtese. Amar khub ’sour’ kono jinish khaite ichcha kortese

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Chi chi eishob ki boltesen !!! eishob kisher symptoms boltesen… chi chi kishob oshamajik karjokolap korsilan??
nishchoy imran bhai bolte parben… kon brothel e gesilen?

ARAFUTH : are na bhai ami oshob kichui kori nai. shei din ‘Rock link’ er editing koira Miles er Jewel bhai er shathe tar bashae gesilum. tarpor amar e dail khaoia matal banaia kono advantage nise kina bolte parbo na . ei jonnoi to porer din shokale uitha amar ass atho batha kortesilo !!! ar ami bhabsi constipation hoise !!! Jewel bhai apni amar shon..er ……???

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Jewel bhai er kotha jokhon tullen e tokhon tar kotha ektu bolen..

ARAFUTH : are Jewel bhai to ekta chorom khat. She kono guitar bajaite parena ei .. jonno ‘Miles’ er Manam bhai tare prayei galigalaj kore She sharadin Lal rong er genji poira ‘lal gai’ shaija ghuira berae. Rock Link shuru hoyoar age she english bolte parto na. tarpor ekdin dekhlam rasta theika ekta ’shat dine engreji shikkha’ boi kina sharadin porte thaklo. 1 week pore aisha emon accent e english jharte lagolo… apnara to dekhsene Rock link e she kemne pronounce kore. ‘rock link’ re bole ‘Rak leink’ ar jokhon e english bole tokhon e mone hoye ekta goru ghash chabaitese ebong ek e shathe ‘hamba hamba’ korte cheshta kortese. english bole she ekta strange accent e ‘we ill meet eww raite after da break’. majhe modhdhei she english e kotha bolte gelei bhul kore ar shathe shathe shei boi bair koira jore jore memorize korte thake ‘My head mane Amar matha…. your head mane tomar matha’. ei arki…

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Aapni je amader ke interview dilen to amader site ‘X-treme Pochafiers’ er bepare kichu bolen..

ARAFUTH : ki r bolbo , eita ekta chorom khat ekta site [noile ki ar ami ekhane interview dei?]. Eder naam ‘X-treme Pochafiers’ na hoia ashole ‘Chorom gaias’ hoile aro bhalo hoito. Ei site ta banaise jotoshob putkimora class 2 er polapain jara kono english bolte parena… ora WATSON BROTHERS banan korte parena. ami kintu pari … V..-..A-D-..Z..-U-N …mmm..ehhh.mmm… tarpor jani ki…?? [ish kan je Jewel bhai er boita niya ashi nai]. Jai hok Ei site er visitor der ke boltesi apnara ar ei site e aisha apnader valuable time noshto korben na, tar cheye amar site e giya amar khobish marka chobi dekhben noito Black er site e giya Jon er 32 ta dat bair kora chobita download korben. Amare ei khan e anse tehari ar coke khaoabe boila ekhon porjonto kisu dey nai… eitar kono mane hoy.. dhurr…. abar ki ekta sofar moddhe boshaia rakse ektu porpor khali putki chulkae…..

ADMINISTRATOR OF XP SHOUTING FROM BACK: ki bhotka choda hodolkutkut farm er murgi !??!! ektu age je Helvetia’r Burger khaoilam tar ki hoilo?

ARAFUTH : khaoai silen naki?…. o ha .. .are oita to apetiser chilo..

Interviewer [Ha. Gu. Khan]: Achcha apnare tehari khaoboni ekhoni…

ARAFUTH : tai ahh.. apnara ki bhalo.. ashole ‘X-treme Pochafiers’ khub bhalo ekta site apnara shobai ekhane ashben thik ase…. [ARAFUTH’s Cell phone ringing]

ARAFUTH: ‘Hello….. r e Jon ki khobor dost ‘ [someone shouting from the other site] ‘ki?…. kemne hoilo…. ami ashtasi’, replied ARAFUTH.

ARAFUTH: Amar ekhon e jaite hobe… Jon abar masturbate korte giya or tiny dikta or pant er zipper er shathe atkaia falaise… amar ekhon e jaite hobe ore rescue korte… JON AMI ASHTESI … bye guys .. c ya .

– THE END –

This interview was actually an imaginary one. The stuffs written above are fictious and therefore are not the actual comments made by ARAFAT and it was made just for the sake of fun [of course with kind permission of ARAFAT ].

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